nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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