Who did Billy Mays play for?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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