it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
