So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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