Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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