remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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