You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
