I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
