Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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