so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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