did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
