so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
