We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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