If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
