Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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