that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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