I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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