I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
