You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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