i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
