obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
