I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
