; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
