What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
