Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
