at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize