when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
