Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
