let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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