I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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