I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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