If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
