We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
