i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
