I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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