There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
