My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
