The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
