bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
