Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
