Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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