Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
