she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
