there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
