if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
