My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Small penises have feelings too.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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