all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
