we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop