So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.