barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina