ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.