She's JV to your varsity
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems