dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.