Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law