That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
