Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
