I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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