Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
