I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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