bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
