legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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