He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
