Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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