I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im holly from the hills drunk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
