Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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