Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
