he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
