I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
