I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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