I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
